Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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