You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
