he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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