I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
