We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
