after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
