he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
