I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
