No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
