Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can text with my tongue
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
