My room smells like vodka and shame
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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