like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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