i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
