your parents love me but you hate me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
