how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
