i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
