Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
