just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
