We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize