He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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