I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
