ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
