clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
