with your own penis?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
