I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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