True but thats because hes a fetus.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
