I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
