i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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