I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
