There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
