Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
