don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
