My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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