When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
