Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
