ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
