I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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