sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
