Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
