I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
