I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
