VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
