Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
