You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
