let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
