Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
