Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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