I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He has the fingertips of a God
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
