go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
