I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
