he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
